How to Avoid Communication Breakdown in Your Relationship

Good communication is one of the most basic fundamentals of any relationship. So avoiding a communication breakdown would seem to be a desirable goal for most people.

In order to avoid a communication breakdown you have to know what causes them in the first place and steer clear of them. Maybe you have forgotten how to avoid a communication problem with your sweetie and your smack dab in the middle of one now. It sure would be nice to know what caused the problem and how to get out of it so your can enjoy the more blissful part of the relationship.

It’s not rocket science folks. Like most things we just forget to pay attention to the “landmines” and we trip over one and the bloody thing goes kaboom before we have a chance to avoid it. What follows are some of the main ways communication breaks down in a relationship:

1. Money problems – For many couples, money problems rank at the top of reasons why there is a communication breakdown in their relationship. Uncontrolled spending, unreported spending, and ultimately the shock from the mounting bills and the defensive posturing of blame all go towards the problem here.

If only the couple had talked about their expenses before hand. Many couples agree to consult each other if the expense exceeds a certain dollar amount. That way there is no sticker shock later. It also helps to really consider how important the purchase is. It makes them have to give a reason as to why the purchase is important, and how it will benefit them as a couple.

Sticking to a budget will also force both people in the relationship to stay honest about where and how their money is being spent. If a couple fails in this key area of the relationship it will affect other aspects of their relationship too.

2. Birth of a child – Having a child can be a truly wonderful event in the life of a couple. However, in addition to this “little bundle of joy” comes a lot more stress and the potential for communication breakdown. And, if a couple is not careful, there can be even more communication barriers that lead to a breakdown.

When Laura and I had our first child we were so thrilled. He was an “easy” child, and he slept through the night after about 30 days. However, the rest of our 4 children were much more of a challenge. Sleep deprivation on the part of one or both parents can lead to a lack of communication about finances, and other key aspects of the relationship.

Jealousy can also creep in to the mix as you involve more people in your life to take care of that take away from time with each other as a couple. Talk about these challenges ahead of time in order to avoid hurt feelings and to make each other a priority. Plan your schedule around the baby’s schedule. Make time for each other. After all, you can’t take care of your kids if you don’t first take care of yourself.

3. Lack of trust – This one has a huge potential for a communication breakdown. Many couples argue because of their partner’s past or current behavior that has hurt them and led to their not trusting them. It may even be a perception of the person that is not necessarily accurate, but it still affects their trust.

Open and honest communication about the behavior, or perceived wrong should be discussed immediately. Don’t let it fester. It can cause a lot of heartache and even physical pain.

I remember one day I was going on in my mind about something Laura had said to me on the phone. And, because I didn’t have the chance to discuss the matter fully with her (I was at work on a 15 minute break), I had to wait all day to get home from work to talk about it. My stomach was in knots and I had a terrible headache. After we talked, it turned out that I totally misunderstood what she was trying to say.

Don’t jump to conclusions. Take your time and discuss your concerns until you can work them out. Or, at least table them for later in the day when you can. If the person’s behavior has hurt you, let them know specifically what they did, and how it hurt you. Don’t move on until you have reached some sort of agreement as to how they can avoid that behavior again.

Finally, forgive and forget. Don’t keep bringing it up again and again when you are mad at your sweetie. Move on and deal with the issue at hand. That way your relationship can also move ahead.

Communication breakdown is not a place where you want to be. You feel isolated and hurt by someone you love and care about. Taking the time to understand the potential barriers to good communication and how to avoid any breakdown will help you to stay away from there. When you forget – and we do from time to time – then we can remember that there are communication skills we can practice to help us reconnect and open up the lines of communication again.

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